Horoscop pe bune

(Varsator) Aquarius: You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are so stupid. Everyone thinks you’re a fucking jerk. You enjoy sucking cock.

(Pesti) Pisces: You have vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting what you mistake for power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

(Berbec) Aries: You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick!

(Taur) Taurus: You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and stick-to-it-ivness because you never do anything right the first time. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a fucking asshole.

(Gemeni) Gemini: You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini’s are notorious for thriving on incest.

(Rac) Cancer: You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems, which makes you a sucker. You always keep putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.

(Leu) Leo: You consider yourself a born leader. Everyone thinks you are an idiot. Most Leo’s are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo’s are thieving mother-fuckers and enjoy masturbating more than sex.

(Fecioara) Virgo: You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking is sickening to you co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgo’s make good bus drivers and pimps.

(Balanta) Libra: You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are null. Most Libra women are whores. All Libra’s die of venereal disease.

(Scorpion) Scorpio: The worst of the lot!!! You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are MURDERED.

(Sagetator) Sagittarius: You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are indeed a worthless piece of shit.

(Capricorn) Capricorn: You are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken-shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should KILL yourself!