Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

Newsroom - Season 1 | Episode 70




The tech world is buzzing over Apple's latest must-have gadget - The MacBook Wheel - a revolutionary new laptop that doesn't weigh with a keyboard.
"Tech Trends" reporter Jeff Tate has more:

Thank Andrea. Say goodbye to the keyboard, and hello to the future of laptop computers.
With the MacBook Wheel, Apple has replaced the traditional keyboard with a sleak touch-sensitive click-wheel. Apple CEO Steve Jobs introduced the product yesterday, at the annual Mac Expo.
Senior Product Innovator Brian Gilman says "the MacBook Wheel will make typing a thing of the past".

"At Apple our philosophy is to create products that are simple to use. And nothing is more simple than a single giant button".

Gilman showed me how the revolutionary new computer works.

"Just open the IntuiType Alphabet Menu here, scroll to the letter you need, and center-click to select it. Then click again to capitalize, and repeat this process for each new letter. It couldn't be simpler."

"You can also let the predictive sentence technology to complete the sentence for you:"

The aardvark admitted its fault.
The aardvark admitted it was wrong.
The aardvark asked for an aardvark.
The aardvark asked for a dagger.
The aardvark asked for health.
The aardvark asked for a ride.
The absinthe arrived by airmail.
The abortion went well.
The actor asked for an aardvark.
The actor asked for abstinance.
The actor asked for redemption.
The advertisement was effective.
The agile aardvark arrived by airmail.
The agile aardvark bathed with beauties.
The agriculture was cultivated by the coral.
The aggravated driver beeped on his horn.
The aggravated rooster scratched the dirt.
The Althusserian scholar gave his copy of Lacan's "Ecrits" to the abortion doctor.
The amiable Althusserian scholar asked the aardvark for an absinthe.
The amiable crocodile brushed his teeth with a toothbrush.
The amiable doctor performed the operation admirably.
The annex was covered with asbestos.
The annex was crawling with beetles.
The apple was airmailed by the doctor.
The apple was consumed by the amiable crocodile.
The apple was inquiring about the amiable crocodile's friend.
The aquamarine lifevest was not used.
The aquamarine lifevest was unpopular.
The armchair was comfortable.
The armchair was favored by the amiable housecat.
The ass asked for a better absinthe.
The ass brayed at the moon.
The assumptive doctor did not accept our personal check.
The assumptive agricultural expert eyed our absinthe suspiciously.
The attractive peanut farmer graded the term paper.
The attractive rooster preened its feathers to attract absinthe.
The auxiliary generator has malfunctioned!
The awning covered the agile aardvark during the amiable rainstorm.
The awning was too tall to touch.
The babbling baby asked the aardvark for some absinthe.
The babbling baby baked brownies with the amiable crocodile.
The babbling baby basked in its mother's affection.
The babbling baby bounced the ball at the babbling aardvark.
.....

Gilman says the MacBook Wheel has also simplified the organization of files, so searching your harddrive will be a snap!

"Just press both sides of the wheel concurrently, and center-click, and there: you have an alphabetical listing of every file on your harddrive. Everything is just a few hundred clicks away."

== Intuitive design replaces dozens of keys with single wheel ==

Apple was calling the MacBook Wheel "the most intuitive product ever designed".

"Here at Apple we like to think that we are giving customers features that they don't even realize they want yet."

While the MacBook Wheel won't hit the shelves for another three to fifteen months, many Apple users already have it on their wishlist.

"I'll buy almost anything if it's shiny and made by Apple."

Alex Zalban was one of the lucky few to get to try-out a Mac Wheel, and spent 45 minutes typing an email to his friend.

Dear Robber, You wont believe where I am# I)m at the Mac Expo ænd I am USING thep colic new Macwheel laptop. I'll BET YOU ARE JEAlouz

* * * Sent from a MacBook Wheel

"I never really realized how much I hated keyboards, until I saw this thing. I like how the email automatically says 'Sent from a MacBook Wheel', that way people know you have one."

== To reduce energy use, screen goes blank after four seconds ==

With the price tag just under twenty six hundred dollars, for the lowest-end MacBook Wheel, it is an investment. But the superthin laptop features numerous innovations, like the new ultrathin Hummingbird Battery, which can power the MacBook Wheel for a full 19 minutes before needing to be recharged. And the computer is virtually unbreakable, unless dropped or hit.

== Jobs: People who use keyboards are 'Standing in the way of human progress' ==

But Apple isn't resting on it's laurels. Brian Gilman said they are already hard-at-work on the next generation of the MacBook Wheel, which will be 4 ounces lighter, due to its lack of screen, harddrive or wheel.

For the Onion News Network, I'm Jeff Tate.

Thank you for that, Jeff. It remains to be seen if the Wheel will catch-on in the business world, where people use computers for actual work, and not just dicking around.

== Special Report: Police awaiting sudoku killer's next move ==

Moving on. Police warns that the sudoku killer will kill either 1, 4 or 9 victims next.